


Rain

by sluttyeren



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, a little angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:41:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sluttyeren/pseuds/sluttyeren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Erwin loses his arm he starts feeling more and more frustrated, and Eren is eaten by guilt that he is the reason it happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be fluffy but I'm bad at fluff so I angsted instead

He avoided his office, the mess hall, any public space. They were all dismal places to be anymore. All of them reminded him of the crippling loss of his arm. The pitiful glances, they all made him sick. He had willingly made the sacrifice, but it seemed he wasn’t done paying for it. It was to the point where he would snap at anyone to offer him any help. He didn’t need help, what he needed was for everyone to stop treating him like a child. He lost an arm, not the ability to care for himself. The only person he even let see him without the bandages was Levi. He wouldn’t tell him he was sorry for him, wouldn’t ask him if he needed help. Levi treated him exactly the same as he always had, and that was all he wanted.  
  
But it was hard. Damn it, was it hard to go on like this. He had to teach himself to do things like write, dress himself. He couldn’t count the number of times he cut himself shaving before he figured that out. He was impatient and frustrated easily. He dropped things, the muscles in his non-dominant hand not used to the increased strain he had to put them through. Not to mention how impossible it was for him to use the 3D gear this way. He had tried countless times, having Hanji make modifications for him to control both triggers with one blade. There was no way for him to regain his balance. Eventually they had to give up, accepting that it was hopeless. Only Erwin couldn’t accept it. He would gladly give his life for mankind’s victory, but he was still alive. Worse, he was alive and unable to fight. What help could he be now? What pride was there in being a commander, when he could only give orders and watch his soldiers fight and die while he sat idly by and watched? He hated himself. Hated that there was nothing he could do to change this shitty situation. Everyone noticed how much shorter his temper was. So he avoided them. It was raining but that hardly mattered, as he walked around the deserted grounds. Let him get sick out here, what would it matter?  
  
"Sir!"  
  
Oh, yeah. He forgot about the worst part of all of this. Eren. He felt guilty, that saving him was the reason Erwin was injured. He hadn’t stopped apologizing since they returned. The constant desire to somehow make it up to Erwin consumed the poor boy. The pained look on his face as he asked what he could do, how he could help. There was nothing Eren could do, nothing anyone could do.  
  
"What, Eren." He had long since lost his patience with the endless pity from him. All he wanted was to move on from this.  
  
"It’s…it’s raining, sir. You should come inside." Eren had his cloak pulled over his head, but started taking it off, unhooking it from around his neck. Erwin didn’t even bother to stop him as he stood on his toes to throw it over his broad shoulders, pulling the hood over his head.  
  
"Eren. You don’t need to take care of me. I’m fine."  
  
The distress in his eyes was apparent as his face turned down in a frown. “I know, but this is my fault. I know you can take care of yourself. I know you don’t need me.” Erwin heard his voice crack and finally looked at him, shocked. Eren turned his face up to look at him, rain mixing with the tears that fell form his eyes. “I know you don’t need me but this is all I can do. I can’t change what happened, I can never repay you for saving me. But please, if this is all I can do please let me. I owe you my life and you won’t even let me help you.” The frantic edge in his voice hit Erwin hard. Eren felt personally responsible for what happened to him, and while everyone fussed over the commander, Eren had been left on the back burner as the guilt ate away at him. Erwin wrapped his arm around Eren’s neck.  
  
"I’m sorry Eren. This isn’t your fault." He held the boys head close to his chest as sobs shook him.  
  
"But I-"  
  
"No, Eren. This is not your fault." Eren tilted his head to look up at him, drawing in a ragged breath as he cried. Eren threw his arms around Erwin’s neck, pulling himself up and pressing his lips to Erwin’s. He pulled Eren closer, feeling his hot tears hit his face as they kissed. Nothing in his life would ever be the same again, and he would have to accept that. Eren would have to accept that this was necessary, that he was more important than Erwin’s arm. For now he let Eren hold his hand as he led him back inside, out of the rain.


End file.
